She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
