Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
