I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
