I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's never too late to be topless.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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