alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
