4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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