i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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