is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
