dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
