i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That accounts for only three of the penises
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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