I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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