She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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