i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Im part way to drunk.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
