dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
