Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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