It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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