are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
