i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
