I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
where are my eyebrows?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
