She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
