community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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