A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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