I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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