i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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