I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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