You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
should my penis look like a turkey
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
