you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
