she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
