3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
