Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
