Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
