I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
