AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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