the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
