just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
