when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
