Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He? As in you personified your dick?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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