playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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