I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
