Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just found puke in my bra..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh god it's open bar.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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