Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm jealous of your bromance
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
