I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
