YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
