i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
