btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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