apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
