Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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