I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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