i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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