I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
3 2 1 whiskey
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
