my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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