I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
time to smoke my breakfast
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
