You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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